A Wedding Waltz

The Dance of Communication​
by Meredith A. Weber

   When my husband and I were talking about our wedding plans, we discussed dancing.  As a matter of fact, we discussed it over and over again. You see, my husband is NOT a dancer and claims to have two left feet (I checked and he doesn’t). I, on the other hand, LOVE to dance. So, when we were talking about our wedding, we had to compromise. Aren’t weddings a great place to practice the compromise that a marriage should have? I promised him that he’d only have to dance once with me and that would be during our “first dance.” But then, knowing how he felt about dancing (and not liking to be the center of attention) I took it a step further (no pun intended). I told him that during the first stanza he had to dance with me and that after that we would invite our wedding party on the floor and they would dance all around us so people wouldn’t be as focused on us anymore. He agreed to the compromise and we stuck to the terms we discussed. When the dance was over, I didn’t try and pry him back on the floor or pout that my husband only danced one song with me. Instead, I danced with our friends on the floor and he chatted with those who didn’t dance. At the end of the night, we left hand in hand with smiles on our faces (and bird seed in our hair).
     Marriage is so much like a dance and communication is key to staying in step with one another. My husband and I will celebrate our five-year anniversary in July. Since our wedding day, we’ve become parents to two children. We’ve adapted our communication as our family has grown, but there are some main communication ideas that transcend any relationship.  Here are ten points for you to consider:

1.      Start with respect for one another. Speak in a way that shows you respect the person with whom you are speaking and listen with the same mindset. Speak in a tone that conveys you care about how the other person feels and listen (don’t just hear) what his thoughts and opinions are on a matter.

2.    Wait for the right opportunity to have “big discussions” about important topics. Don’t throw an idea at your spouse as he is walking out the door to go to work or some place where he will away from you for a while. Wait until the kids are in bed and you can talk face-to-face for an uninterrupted period of time.

3.   Keep in mind that some topics take a lot of time (and many discussions) to conclude. 

4.  Pick your battles. Seriously. If you are debating over something, really examine the importance of it to you. If you realize you are arguing over something that’s less important to you than it is to your spouse then let it go. And let your spouse know WHY you are letting him “win” an argument. Make it a practice to let each other “win” as you figure out who is more passionate about the topic at hand.

5.   Before you commit yourself and your spouse to something, talk about it with that person first. Keep one calendar and talk to your spouse as you make plans. You will both feel more valued as you make each other number one when making plans.

6.  Keep your relationship baggage out of social media. Seriously, can we stop this practice?? Getting a few “likes” from your girl friends as you husband-bash will only backfire on you. It’s super disrespectful to your spouse and it’s a cheap way to get attention. Just don’t do it!

7.     Lift each other up in front of each other. Compliment your husband in front of your friends. Brag on him. Go ahead and see what happens to your man’s countenance and demeanor. I promise you that you won’t be disappointed.

8.    In the same spirit, don’t tease or bash your spouse with your friends whether he is with you or not. You may say something in a moment of anger or frustration about your spouse and then later forgive him and forget about it. It’s much harder for family or friends to forgive and forget. 

9.    Listen more than you speak. There’s a reason God gave us two ears and one mouth. Really listen to your spouse and try not to interrupt. (That’s a hard one and one that I struggle with constantly!)

10.“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each

other just as God through Christ as forgiven you.” What a great

verse and such words of wisdom. At the end of the day, let

kindness, compassion and forgiveness win. If you do, then you’ll

both be winners in your marriage and in other relationships as

well.

It’s hard to go from being “numero uno” to married and having to think about the other person. The true challenge is making your spouse a priority. As you shift into that mindset you will find that it really makes the dance more fun. That…and a good pair of shoes!

Meredith Duncan Weber holds a Master's Degree in Organizational Leadership and is an exceptionally gifted communicator. Her sincere approach to enjoying life and people comes across in all of her interactions. We are thankful for Meredith's contribution as she allows us to peek behind the curtain of her relationship with her Husband and the journey of life and commitment that they embarked upon several years ago. Meredith wrote an amazing article for the Publication several years ago.  At that time, we welcomed Meredith and imparted blessings to her and her Husband as newly weds.  We've asked Meredith to provide us an update on the progress of her marriage and she so graciousness responded with yet another article filled with wisdom and solid instruction.  Join me in thanking Meredith for her willingness and for her second installment.