by
Kratina
The almighty “C” word
as I like to frame it. The revolution and the evolution of communication (the
“C” word) between opposite sexes is quite an astonishing journey. As I take a
moment to reflect on the progression and in my opinion the digression of
communication between
§
boyfriend/girlfriend,
§
significant other (to be politically correct),
§
husband/wife,
§
booty call,
§
male friend/girl friend,
§
BAE (before anyone else), and yes, even the newest of them all,
§
FWB (friends with benefits),
I can honestly say, it’s a trip (pun intended.)
When I see the cave people on TV or in History books, hunched over, with clubs in hand, bones in their hair. I can’t help but laugh. How in the world did they communicate? He clubs her, she feeds him rotten meat? Seriously, they didn’t have Hallmark back then. A bouquet of flowers might look more like a man-eating Venus Fly Trap. The movies would look like a scene from
Fast forward to the times of civility (if that is what you want to call it), the next years of one way communication with the man telling the woman (his property) what she will and won’t do and how she will do it and when. And we all know how THAT ended…not so well for the ego driven man, hence the advent of men’s fascination with electronics and the remote. They can program them!
Now, being a woman in my mid-forties, with just a little experience under my belt, I can say to hell with all of that! No, you WON’T pull me by my hair to your cave. (By the way, I would be the one to serve you diseased meat if you pulled me by my hair!) No, you DON’T own me. [My favorite line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding:
Toula: “Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. Ah, the man is the head of the house!”
Maria: “Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but
the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.’]
Communication by: sight, touch, words written or spoken, honesty, seriousness, jest, body language (one of my personal favorites) is in my opinion higher on the list than religion, political beliefs, diversity in ethnic backgrounds, family’s thoughts or friends’ thoughts. I believe that when we communicate in play or sincerity, we are acting in love not just for ourselves, but for those we love and care about. Communication is NOT just words, verbally or written, it is physical, mental and spiritual and is, in my humble opinion, the greatest of all actions in our relationships with men!
I read a book…ONCE. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, between being a Mother with two mentally ill children with addiction issues, an employee with a full-time job, a cook, a maid, a taxi/Chauffer, a team Mom, a wife (EX!), a girl friend, a daughter, a step daughter, a church goer, a pet owner, the landscaping crew, the dishwasher, the “MOM’s emergency room doctor,” the Warden, the referee, the bill payer and yes…the list goes on, that I actually was very selfish and spent money on a book. And, I actually read a full book (with all those things demanding so much of my time.) The book was, The Five Love Languages. It was an Epiphany greater than The Burning Bush. I realized that when I speak another language not native to the person I’m speaking to, they automatically look at me like I have ten heads. Some people will try hard to understand me, (thank you Google Translation app) but they get frustrated and don’t know how to respond, hence the grunts and clubbing back in the day. But today, I have a tool much easier than going to my hair stylist to ask for extensions for my missing hair after being drug to the cave. I simply need to understand which language I understand and which language he understands. I become almost like a cross between Jacques Cousteau and Sherlock Holmes-Explorer and investigator. I want to know that if you understand verbal praise/affirmations more than physical acts of appreciation (get your mind out of the gutter- I was talking about cleaning or cooking) because I want to communicate with you.
When the communication line becomes physical acts of abuse or verbal assaults and treats, then you need to high tail it out. Having spent time (six months) in a shelter for battered women and children and seeing a friend and her four children shot on site from her abuser (your internal bell should be ringing off the damn hook right about now.) That is clearly a sign of disturbance and manipulation/control NOT a sign of frustration that they are having a hard time learning your language of love. Call the police and seek help as fast as you can.
For me, I had to be willing to be honest with myself and not stuff my anger, fear, frustration or disappointment away. I also realized in communicating with my man, that a lot of my misunderstandings where the result of bad programming. I would say, “I am a strong, smart and confident woman.” What I discovered is that I was scared to become vulnerable. To bear my honest thoughts, feelings and emotions required me to become vulnerable and that was the last thing on planet Earth I wanted to do. Truthfully, I was afraid to become vulnerable, because I feared that person would use that against.
Finally,Newton Newton
Communication by: sight, touch, words written or spoken, honesty, seriousness, jest, body language (one of my personal favorites) is in my opinion higher on the list than religion, political beliefs, diversity in ethnic backgrounds, family’s thoughts or friends’ thoughts. I believe that when we communicate in play or sincerity, we are acting in love not just for ourselves, but for those we love and care about. Communication is NOT just words, verbally or written, it is physical, mental and spiritual and is, in my humble opinion, the greatest of all actions in our relationships with men!
I read a book…ONCE. Yes, I know it’s hard to believe, between being a Mother with two mentally ill children with addiction issues, an employee with a full-time job, a cook, a maid, a taxi/Chauffer, a team Mom, a wife (EX!), a girl friend, a daughter, a step daughter, a church goer, a pet owner, the landscaping crew, the dishwasher, the “MOM’s emergency room doctor,” the Warden, the referee, the bill payer and yes…the list goes on, that I actually was very selfish and spent money on a book. And, I actually read a full book (with all those things demanding so much of my time.) The book was, The Five Love Languages. It was an Epiphany greater than The Burning Bush. I realized that when I speak another language not native to the person I’m speaking to, they automatically look at me like I have ten heads. Some people will try hard to understand me, (thank you Google Translation app) but they get frustrated and don’t know how to respond, hence the grunts and clubbing back in the day. But today, I have a tool much easier than going to my hair stylist to ask for extensions for my missing hair after being drug to the cave. I simply need to understand which language I understand and which language he understands. I become almost like a cross between Jacques Cousteau and Sherlock Holmes-Explorer and investigator. I want to know that if you understand verbal praise/affirmations more than physical acts of appreciation (get your mind out of the gutter- I was talking about cleaning or cooking) because I want to communicate with you.
When the communication line becomes physical acts of abuse or verbal assaults and treats, then you need to high tail it out. Having spent time (six months) in a shelter for battered women and children and seeing a friend and her four children shot on site from her abuser (your internal bell should be ringing off the damn hook right about now.) That is clearly a sign of disturbance and manipulation/control NOT a sign of frustration that they are having a hard time learning your language of love. Call the police and seek help as fast as you can.
For me, I had to be willing to be honest with myself and not stuff my anger, fear, frustration or disappointment away. I also realized in communicating with my man, that a lot of my misunderstandings where the result of bad programming. I would say, “I am a strong, smart and confident woman.” What I discovered is that I was scared to become vulnerable. To bear my honest thoughts, feelings and emotions required me to become vulnerable and that was the last thing on planet Earth I wanted to do. Truthfully, I was afraid to become vulnerable, because I feared that person would use that against.
Finally,
Kratina is a Mother and health care
professional who has worked for some of the largest international institutions in
the industry. Kratina is a service
professional, who has years of experience working in high volume, incredibly
stress filled environments. Having
overcome many personal challenges, Kratina relies heavily on her faith and her
humor to remain grounded and ready to help others. For years, Kratina has been a closet poet and
writer and seeks to use this opportunity to spread her patented brand of insight
and humor through her posts. This
Publication is super excited to have Kratina on board. Please join me in welcoming Kratina in this
her first article as a part of the Jubilee News Team.
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